Monday, December 18, 2006

A Carnival Of Hijacked Holidays, IV - Christmas Edition

Welcome to the fourth edition of A Carnival Of Hijacked Holidays!

I'm just out-and-out thrilled with the submissions to the carnival for this edition. Not only is it a record for quantity (25 pieces and how appropriate is that for a Christmas edition?) but the quality is superb, also. Good job, folks!

In a not-so-subtle paen to A Christmas Carol, to which this blog owes its title, I'm going to present the submissions categorized by Past (as in Past Holidays), then Present(s), and then Future.


Jon Swift is a brilliant satirist. Or is he? In any case, Jon Swift gives us No Pardon for the Thanksgiving Turkey posted at Jon Swift, saying, "Most people emphasize the insipid and sentimental aspects of the origins of Thanksgiving, which is based on how the Wampanoag Indians helped the Pilgrims survive a difficult winter in the New World." None of that for Jon. He says that the President should... well, I don't want to spoil it. You should go there and find out. After all, that's the entire purpose of a carnival, isn't it? Yes, it is.

Next up we have Gavin, who presents us with the wholly objectionable Pilgrims & Indians: The Story of Thanksgiving posted at Reverend Qelqoth's Journal. If you have any morals whatsoever, you will find this piece to be filthy, disgusting, revolting, unsavory, inexcusable and a pox upon our consciousness as a whole. Since I have few morals, I found it entertaining. Your mileage may vary tremendously.

The wonderfully-named Sarakastic presents Who says I'm not grateful? posted at Sarakastic, saying, "I know it's almost Christmas, but I'm still angry about Thanksgiving." Many people are, my friend, so don't be ashamed to keep spewing the bile. As a matter of fact, we encourage that sort of thing here at Bah! Humbug!

Kate Baggott presents Two Days to Mark on Your Calendar posted at Babylune, saying, "National Child Day and Buy Nothing Day. They are connected." Holiday conspiracy theories! Yes! No, actually it's good parenting advice concerning teaching your children the value of money.

The lovely Peace Moonbeam presents Moonbeam Family Christmas posted at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles, saying, "From last Christmas", and since it's from last Christmas, it gets listed here in "PAST". Good stuff, though, no matter when it's from.


What better way to start the PRESENT(S) section than with a few articles concerning what NOT to buy?

As a matter fact, the first piece, from Jennifer Miner is actually entitled What Not to Buy for Christmas: This holiday season's worst gift ideas. posted at What Not to Buy for Christmas.

Jennifer then follows up with The Jack Spade Frog Dissection Kit: Of the bad holiday gift ideas, this one is in a category of its own posted at The Jack Spade Frog Dissection Kit. Yuck!

Linda Freedman is an actual real-life therapist! Boy, lots of folks who submit to this carnival sure could use her help! She presents Holiday Post # 1- Bananas and Video Games posted at Everyone needs therapy? Lessons from a family therapist, saying, "Thanksgiving is SUPPOSED to be a happy holiday, but for many it kicks off the season with thoughts of, Oh, No, Where will I get the money to pay for all of the gifts I have to buy! Docs like me see so much of the holiday blues that I wrote this post to make a few alternative suggestions to spending money that you don't have." And, believe me, we thank you, Linda!

And here's some more good stuff from Linda! Take The Gift, Just Take It!

If you must buy something, then you should take along a bright and tenacious helper. That's what Magazine Man did. In his In Which The Brownie Use Her Powers For Good, he tells of a shopping expedition with his daughter. This man is, by the way, The Best Writer On The Internet. It says so on my other blog, so it must be true!

Daniel Brenton presents The Meaning of Existence (and all that): The Odd Little Universe of Daniel Brenton » Blog Archive » Whoever Dies with the Most Toys Wins posted at The Meaning of Existence.

Daniel, in explanation, said:

"Mr. 'dog --

Thanks for hosting a focus on "Hijacked Holidays." I have come to resent the mercantile expectations of Christmas, and to some extent Halloween, and will go so far as to include the onerous ritual of birthday gift giving. (I frankly don't enjoy being on the receiving end of this kind of societal obligation, because I don't care to be on the other end. If I want to give someone something, I just do it -- I don't need to be dictated to by a calendar.

(Yes, I have authority issues.)

I offer you my observations on what is probably the driving force behind all of this mindlessness, the attitude of "Whoever Dies with the Most Toys Wins."

For someone with authority issues, he sure gave me more respect than I deserve! Mr. Dog, indeed. Thanks, Daniel!

Sam presents Shopping Hijinx and Stunts. Shopping Can Be Funny. Surfer Sam posted at Surfer Sam and Friends. And hilarity will ensue!

And who delivers the presents? Why, Santa Claus, of course! Except some folks may not want him to do so. For instance, Rob Sharp presents Would you let this man into your home? posted at The Sharpener, saying, "Is Santa a leftie?"

Well, if you don't let Santa in the house, then you have to go out and get the stuff yourself, right? Maybe so, but Silicon Valley Blogger wonders Are Black Friday Bargains Worth It? posted at The Digerati Life.

And then, if you never want to have to bother with presents again, michelle presents Jewelry That Helps Say " I HATE You" posted at

Finally, if you've received a certain type of gift and you don't know what to do with it, then some clown named Suldog presents Suldog's Home For Wayward Fruitcakes posted at Suldog-O-Rama.


Here's hoping you've already had your Christmas Party at work, and that you didn't impregnate someone or stab the boss or anything like that. However, if your party is yet to come? Here are two articles which may help you.

Madeleine Begun Kane presents Office Party Follies posted at Mad Kane's Humor Blog, saying, "If you have to attend a holiday office party with your spouse or significant other, this contract may come in handy."

Then, Stefan presents How To Survive A Christmas Party posted at German Impressions.

What if you just want to survive, period? Then the following may prove helpful to you.

Maria Yu presents Loneliness and Solitude posted at Life. A lovely little piece concerning being in unfamiliar surroundings amidst people who don't appear to be too friendly.

Kenton Whitman presents A Zen Helper for Christmas posted at -- Zen-Inspired Self Development. Interesting way to look at things. As you may know, I'm one of those who will not go quietly into that good night - as a matter of fact, this entire blog started as a response to the too-damned-early advertisements and store displays. Perhaps Mr. Whitman has a better way to deal with it?


On my side in this argument, more or less (not moral-less), we find Gen, who supplies us with Calvinism, Materialism & The Temporal vs The Eternal posted at Real Clear Religion.

History lessons never hurt and sometimes they're even helpful. So let's all go to visit David Parker who presents Born on Christmas Day posted at Another History Blog, saying, "This is a new blog (my first), just a week old!" Of course, David, if you'd waited until the 25th to start your blog, then... well, actually I don't have anything tremendously witty to end that thought with - as if I ever do, really - but there's probably something clever floating around in your head, so feel free to keep thinking it.

A story concerning the ridiculous lengths to which we've gone in order to be politically correct may be found via Richard who graces us with Religious Symbols and Holidays posted at Shadowscope.

Why is everybody so easily offended these days? Take a chill pill, folks.

If your supply of chill pills is short - and whose isn't - maybe Nurse Hilary can help you out. Mother Jones RN presents Let Nurse Hilary Help You Beat the Holiday Blues posted at Nurse Ratched's Place.

Dana presents The War on Christmas posted at Principled Discovery, saying, "Not entirely sure if this fits or not...let me know if not and I'll do something more relevant. I haven't done much with the holidays, but am contemplating a post about evil elves, so if that would fit better, I'll email it and you can substitute."

Well, as I told Dana, it's all good. Sure would like to see that "evil elves" piece, though.

Oh, wait a minute! Here it is!

(Those of you who just couldn't resist counting, to see if there really were 25 articles, now know that there were 26. Oh, well. That's what you get for being a nitpicker.)

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition using our carnival submission form.

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Daniel Brenton said...

No, Mr. 'dog, thank you.

I'm honored to have been included in this veritable plethora of holiday regret (Howard Cosell really knew how to mangle it, didn't he?).

Let us spite the domination of the merchant barons -- and all the other terrorists -- and have a great holiday anyway.


Rev. Qelqoth said...

I trust you are enjoying the festive season and with this wild assortment of jovial musings, it will be fairly difficult not to.

In any respect, many thanks for the inclusion of my humble dissertation on Thanksgiving and trust you will look forward to my nativity screenplay on Christmas Eve.

Best Regards,

Rev. Qelqoth