Monday, August 28, 2006

Latest Execrable Sightings



Courtesy of Universal Hub, we have the following evidence that the Roche Bros. store in West Roxbury, Massachusetts, has lost all concept of what month it is.



That's pronounced "Roach Brothers", by the way, which is a good thing to keep in mind considering that, should you buy any of this candy during the actual week of Halloween, it may well have been sitting on the shelves for 9 weeks by that time.

From StopIt! over at Parental Advisory we have the following:

"I would like to say that a co-worker of mine was singing a Christmas carol this morning. Then she went so far as to say, "Hey, Christmas is only 4 months away."

If she keeps this up, I'm going to have to string her up with Christmas lights-and I won't care how far away the Holiday is.
"

Which, as I said in the comments section previously, is exactly the sort of irrational venom I was hoping for. Keep up the good work!

From good friend, Stu, proprietor of Stu News And Photos:

"I am not making this up: In yesterdays mail we received a catalog from Landmark Collection which features "Personalized Holiday Cards". Leslie and I laughed at how early it came, and look how great the timing is with your new blog, which I think is genius!"

Thank you, Stu! I humbly accept your approbation.

The wonderful Sharfa, from Sharfa's Space had the following to say:

"Shit Suldog - you're going to be very busy come HALLOWEEN! That's when it seems to start nowadays. It's an effective tactic to brainwash the kids and convince them they can't live without the next best thing. That way they have 2 months or more to wear down their parents. Parents will buy said 'next best thing' just to get the kid to shut up.

It's not right. I'm with ya on this one!
"

Even though my first name is not actually "Shit", I certainly am grateful to have you with me on this, Sharfa. Thanks!

The utterly magnificent Thimbelle, who writes of life with The Twinkie and The Wrench over at Creeping Towards Normal says:

"Oh, the shelves were still warm from the School Supplies at our local W-M when...

...they were swept clean, only to be replenished with THANKSGIVING decorations, tableware, paper supplies, etc.

Date: 08/21/06 Time: 7:03 pm

Humbug, indeed!
"

Of course, I'm assuming that W-M stands for Wal-Mart. Even if it doesn't, we'll pretend that it does and send out a general curse upon them.

My Mom, who has no website for me to plug, contributes:

"How about the Rockettes dancing to Christmas music in their little red velvet costumes and Santa hats on the Today Show this morning (8/23)? They were letting everyone know that tickets go on sale tomorrow for their annual Christmas show."

Just because you're beautiful and have great legs, you think you can dance all over our traditions? I hope you all gain three pounds and have to have your costumes let out.

And Anonymous, who later turns out to be Christine in West Roxbury, had the following sighting - and righteous reaction:

"TJ MAXX in Dedham has had Christmas stuff in for the last 2-3 weeks......I walked out of the housewares area pronto....

Christine in West Roxbury
8/26/06
"

Thank you, Anonymous Christine!

And now I would like to propose a business deal. Well, not really a business deal, as that would involve an actual exchange of money. More of an offer for you to do something for me and receive nothing in return. That is, if your idea of "nothing" is the voluminous thanks of your fellow men and women who are sick and tired of having their holidays hijacked! Hah! That's hardly "nothing" in my book!

Obviously, I'm somewhat limited in my own reporting abilities. This is not only because of my overt lack of journalistic skills, but also because I'm way over here on the east coast of the United States and tucked up into a northerly corner on top of it. What about you and yours, residing somewhere out in the vast quantity of somewhere else which comprises the great majority of otherwhere? Surely you want to let your friends and neighbors know about the egregious greediness of your local merchants. There is little doubt you wish to make known the outrageous usurpation of jollity and frovility happening in your neck of the woods. Why not become a roving correspondent for Bah! Humbug! and if that's too hectic, you can be a sedentary correspondent.

What I'm trying to say, in my lovably verbose way, is that I need you! I want you! I can't live without you! Say you'll be mine and I'll give you a by-line.

(I might even add you to my Christmas Card list, but since this is August 28th? It's totally going against the spirit of this site to mention that, so consider it left unsaid.)

In any case, if you'd like to be the (fill in your town, city, state, country, galaxy here) correspondent for Bah! Humbug!, then drop me a line at suldog@aol.com and I'll get to work immediately on stealing your identi... on hooking you up.

All seriousness aside, if you send me a report of horribly early merchandising, I'll post it here and put up whatever sort of link you'd like. Or, if you wish to remain anonymous, I'll take the heat. If you have photos - or other visual proof - of a transgression against taste, all the better.

Until next time, remember that the next legal holiday is Labor Day. In the true spirit of that great memorial to the U.S. worker, feel free to do nothing until after it passes.

1 comment:

muse said...

Just make up more holidays, and the seasons will be shorter.
The stores must have something to promote, and I guess "back to school" is over. And of course, nobody wants to be last...